This post was inspired by Joel Sax's "How to Talk to a Bipolar" and "More Tips for Talking to a Bipolar" at his blog Pax Nortona. He wrote about how people should interact with him, as a bipolar. I'd like to write about how "we" (those with psychological problems) should interact with others. As a minority group it is unrealistic to expect the general population to understand our experiences and know how to be sympathetic. So unless you're content with people in your life making ignorant and hurtful comments, you will have to do some explaining and educating. Here are some tips for discussing your psychological problems with others.
- Understand yourself. Research your disorder, go to therapy, keep a mood chart or journal to understand what triggers your symptoms; the more you know about your own brain the easier it will be to explain what's going on in your head to others. Find your comfort zone when discussing your problems. Some people aren't comfortable with anyone knowing that they have any kind of psychological problem and some are comfortable revealing the diagnoses but not details or history. And of course there are those who don't care who knows all their dirty secrets and their life story. Figure out what you are comfortable revealing and to whom.
- Know your audience. Explaining the sexual side effects of your medication is appropriate and relevant when explaining your mental illness to a sexual partner. But that's probably one aspect of your illness that your Mom doesn't need to know. You should also think about the potential consequences that could happen to you if someone does not handle the information you're giving them well. If you're talking to a person who could get you fired choose your words carefully. Here are some resources for how to explain your mental illness in specific environments or to specific groups.
- On the Job: Mental Health Works has a page on explaining your illness in a work environment. This is a Canadian site so remember that the legal obligations of employer and employee may differ based on your own national laws but this page provides some general tips that are applicable anywhere.
- College: The Canadian Mental Health Association provides tips for talking about your illness in a college or university setting. Again, these tips are broad enough to be useful to students around the world.
- Talking to Children: The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry has information about explaining mental illness to children. Though it is not about telling a child about your own mental illness, it does provide good examples of analogies to use and a run-down of what information is appropriate for different age groups
- So what about explaining your disorder to family, friends, and other adults that are close to you?
- Your diagnoses is only a label: Terms like "schizophrenic" and "bipolar" have strong (mostly negative) associations for most people. I prefer explaining the details of my illness, how it affects me, and how it makes me feel and then mentioning what my clinical diagnoses is.
- Be descriptive: Use comparisons that your listener will be familiar with and use stories about your past behaviors that will illustrate your point. Cover mental, physical, and behavior manifestations of your illness.
- Be patient: High school teachers I had were fond of saying "there's no such thing as a stupid question." Whether you really agree with that statement or not, adopt that attitude when talking to someone about your psychological problems. And be sure to ask if they have any questions at some point in the conversation.
- A support person? If you're talking to someone who lives with
you, is especially close to you, or that you really trust you might
want to tell them the about the behaviors that precipitate a crisis for
you. Having someone that knows when you've gotten to the point where
you need intensive intervention (hospitalization, etc.) might save your
life one day.
Be prepared: Figure out what you want to say in this type of
conversation. Do it now. Because if you're asked to explain your mental
illness on the spot and you get flustered, emotional, and incoherent
you might come across as, well… crazy.
What else have you found useful? Leave a comment!
About.com has pages on explaining bipolar disorder to others and telling someone about your anxiety disorder. Both pages would be useful for someone with any disorder to read as examples.
